Last week, my mother-in-law (who lives in California), paid us a visit. I've been married for twelve years and have known Sue since I was twelve, so needless to say, we feel pretty comfortable around each other.
It's probably because I feel so comfortable around my mother-in-law that sometimes I do and say things that make her feel uncomfortable. Case in point: the food court at Target. Last week, one of my sons threw a temper tantrum in the middle of it. The problem started when I deliberately and maliciously placed four fewer kernels of popcorn on his napkin than on his siblings'.
"Now I'm taking your popcorn away," I announced after two warnings only escalated the volume of the complaints.
My mother-in-law nibbled on her nails and shifted in her seat as I carried my son out to the parking lot.
"Grandma! Save me!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
Sometimes I make my mother-in-law feel uncomfortable. On her most recent visit, she returned the favor.
One morning, while the kids were in school, I took my mother-in-law to a local sporting goods store where she purchased a number of Christmas gifts for my kids including two baseball helmets and two equipment bags.
A few days after she returned home to California, she called me with some bad news. She didn't remember wrapping the equipments bags. In fact, she didn't remember leaving the store with them.
"The cashier probably put the bags in a separate bag and forgot to give them to us."
That evening, I returned to the store with my receipt. Two very nice teenage employees looked up from the games they were playing on their cell phones long enough to point me in the direction of the baseball gear.
"Take what you want," said one of the employees.
The next afternoon, my mother-in-law called again. "The helmets weren't in the bag we brought home either!" she remembered.
Back to the store I went. This time, I was greeted by the store manager, who was very concerned about my story of missing bags and helmets and possible employee theft.
The manager took my receipt and disappeared into the back room. He was gone for almost fifteen minutes. When he returned, his face was very serious.
"I have something on the security tape that I want you to see," he said.
My palms grew sweaty as I felt my adrenaline surge. I have always wanted to be the victim of a non-violent crime. I immediately began to wonder if I would be called to testify in court, and if so, what I would wear.
"So here's the tape of your transaction," the manager said, pointing to the television screen. Footage of the store employee ringing up our purchases was followed by very clear footage of the employee putting all of the items into bags and us leaving the store with those bags. There is even footage from a camera placed outside the front of store of us loading the bags into my car and driving off.
I half expected a police officer to jump out from behind a plastic ficus plant and handcuff me on the spot.
I apologized profusely and promised to return the equipment bags within the hour. The instant I left the store, I called my mother-in-law.
"You just made me feel very uncomfortable," I told her.
After my mother-in-law laughed herself silly, she apologized for her mistake.
*****
P.S. I made my husband return the equipment bags so he could feel comfortable too.
P.P.S. We found the equipment bags and the helmets in the hall closet.
This afternoon, my husband and I have meetings scheduled with Cortlen and Kellen's kindergarten teachers. I wasn't worried about the kind of report cards that my children would receive until several neighbors (who have children in my boys' classes) went out of their way to provide me with unsolicited play-by-play rundowns of their own parent-teacher conferences. I had no idea that Stephen Hawking was once our neighborhood's mailman.
